I went to Wal-mart today to pick up a few things. There's a Subway in the back, and I hadn't had lunch yet, so I went back there to get me some eats. There was only one guy working - a black guy, who clearly had facial features from another country. He confirmed this by asking me what kind of cheese I wanted with the thickest African-based French accent I've heard in a while (such a beautiful sound). I asked him where he was from, he said "west 'Ofreeca' ", with a bit of hesitancy. My exclamation brightened his face a bit, and we just started talking while he was making stuff.

His name is Tiane (TIA-nee), and he moved here a while ago to go to school. He's gotten his accounting degree and is going back to school, once he gets the money.

When I asked him why he came to America, he explained that there is just more opportunity here, and that by working at Subway part time, he makes 3 times more than the monthly wages of a farmer who works 14hr days in his village. He said the last job he had before he moved here was in an orphanage down the road from his house. I told him that that's what I want to GO do;move to Africa and live in an orphanage. When I said this, his face lit up, and he said "YOU? you want to go, and stay?", and a huge smile burst onto his face. He said "Many American don't know how good it is to be in this country. Some people act like it is nothing. But it is so much."

How true this is.

I didn't get a chance to ask him about his family (which I fully plan to go back and do) or a hundred other questions bouncing around in my head, because he had other customers, but he wished me a good day, as did I to him, and I left.

Tiane is just one more example of how different every person's walk is. He left where I want to be, and came to the very town in which I've lived, and would like to leave (most of the time :]).

And who knows if my conversation with him inspired or encouraged him, but I know it encouraged me. No matter that he came from there to here (he still traveled the same distance as my aspirations would take me, just in the opposite direction), he is achieving his dreams.

And he started on the wages of an orphanage worker in a poverty-stricken village. How amazing.

Never think you can't do something.

Never think you don't have enough.

And never keep your story to yourself. You may just touch and inspire someone with it.

Be thankful for the opportunity around you.

And if your calling takes you away from where you are, embrace that.

And know that what you're striving for is possible.

Take heart in the midst of your challenges today.

When I began searching for colleges towards the end of high school, I never really found anywhere I felt peace about. That's normal, I suppose, for a soon-to-be graduate, but nothing my prospects had to offer ever really captured me. Still, I felt as if I should go somewhere because, after all, it's what people do, right?

But nonetheless, I took a year off to gather myself and figure out where God wanted me. When it came time to start applying the next year, I still couldn't do it. My intellect said do it, my logic said I better, or I'd never succeed, people said I should, based on the little looks they'd give me when I told them I still didn't know where I wanted to go.

But you know, I've been blessed with something that many recent and not-so-recent graduates don't have: a vision of what I want to do, who I want to be, and what I'm striving for.

That being said, there are a few places I would give anything to go to. Schools, yes, though not academic.

My heart is for the lost. For the hurting. My heart is for giving people hope. I've always significantly admired Bill Johnson (Pastor of Bethel Church in Redding, CA) and have entertained the thought of applying to the school they have there to learn more about/be strengthened in the ways of ministry as it pertains to the supernatural. It's something we'll all be dealing with more and more as the days continue, whether we realize it or not.


I'm a photographer. It's something I've had a passion for for a long time, but in the past few years, I've realized it's part of my calling too. I can't say why I love it so much, except that it was a God-instilled thing, and I'm not sure how He'll use it just yet, but I want to "learn my craft", if you will. What's more, I feel a peace about this place in particular. Earlier this year, I had a chance to become acquainted with the director at RMSP in MT - a great woman, indeed. Though God didn't provide a way for me to go this year, I hope it's in the future. Till then, I'll continue documenting life as it comes anyway :)


Since I was knee high to a grasshopper, I've loved Africa. It's another calling on my life that I just can't - and never want to - ignore. My brothers call me 'a hippie' and say I'm a walking spokesperson for an African flea market (I think - think - that's a bit of overkill :]). If you know me the slightest bit, you know my passion for most of the countries on this continent, though there're a couple in particular that make my heart swell and go into a spiritual frenzy.
Even if you've never heard of The Harvest Missions school, I'm sure you've heard the name "Heidi Baker". I love her. I don't know her, and I love her. I admire her. I fancy the idea of proceeding her. And I can't think of a place - maybe even including the other schools - that I'd rather be, than under her and her staff's missions teaching in Pemba, Mozambique. Two months of hardcore supernatural/love/ministry schooling on all things missions. All things Africa. Her ministry spreads as far as Asia, but the school, and her heart - like mine - is for Africa. I could die happy.


Who knows how many of these I'm meant to attend. God will provide according to the will He has for me. He will also provide according to the desires of my heart that line up with His will.

And one of the (spiritually) great/(physically) not-so=great things about pursuing any of these paths/schools.. I have to trust Him.

I don't have the money for them.

I will be great distances away from family & friends - my support system.

They are things that will significantly challenge me and, thus, alter my life. Am I ready for them? Can I do them?

But He needs people who trust Him.

People, again, look at me like I'm crazy most of the time, but if God has given you a dream, trust that He's got a reason for it. Trust Him to provide for it. Trust that He's with you when you venture out and do it.

Show people how fun it is to have crazy dreams.

Go be unconventional.

I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life.

Chapter five is entitled "Seeing Life From God's View" and in it, Rick asks what your view of life is, whether it be a roller coaster, a journey, etc.
The first thing that came to mind was that life is a canvas, and not only is God the Artist, He is the Art Teacher, teaching us how to do this thing called 'life'.

Rick went on to point out the three things the Bible says life is, and number one is that life is a test.. And that one of the most important tests in life is how you act when you can't feel God's presence (He referred to the story of Hezekiah in 2 Chronicles 32:31)
Sometimes, God withdraws His presence from us to test our character and reveal our weaknesses, and, by doing so, He prepares us for more responsibility.

Lately, even though I feel like I'm in such a crucial place in life, especially with school looming, I feel like God has backed off a bit. I haven't really understood it and it's been frustrating, to say the least. So after I read this, I decided to back up and look at the difference in my own self and choices when I don't feel God's presence..
And the I've found is sad.

When He isn't around...

I worry about money.

I will deal with pain before I will pray for it's healing.

I'm more prone to immoral thinking and, beyond that...

justifying immoral thinking.

I pick fights, especially in the family, to solve problems.

Instead of backing up and making sure I'm not in the wrong,
I assume I'm right all the time.

And another thing I don't want to admit to, though it's the truth...

I spend more time wandering in my imagination instead of in reality...

because, once again, without God's presence and, therefore, without His peace for the present, and hope for the future,

life is a terrifying place to spend your existence.

In everyday life, without God, I become a coward to the hard parts of it all and my first instinct is to retreat.

Now that I noticed this, I began praying and asking Him why He's doing this. What is He trying to teach me at such a pivotal point in life? And for the first time in over a week, I heard Him speak clearly to me.

He basically said He needs to see how much I'll strive for Him.

When He is ever-present and I can call on Him, His guidance, and His peace anytime I want it, It's easy to want Him and everything He has to offer, but what about when He is no longer convenient? What about when He isn't the easiest choice or the easiest to find? What lengths will I go to to be with Him?
He then paused while I pondered this 'slapping-of-the-spirit', if you will, and then, clear as a winter's night, He said, "How bad do you want me?"

How badly do I want him...

Enough to forget physical desires, even when I feel like He's not around?
Enough to focus on the life in front me instead of pulling off silly imaginings to keep me comforted?
Enough to daily persevere in the growing of my spirit, even if the Art Teacher isn't in the classroom?

I sat there a while, trying to answer those questions.

This is where the road forks. I, right now, have the decision to make.
Do I want Him badly enough to give up what I want, the things my body and mind want, and make chase of Him, when all I see is black and I can't hear His voice anymore?

Even to the point of giving up my dreams, though they may have been God-given, to follow Him elsewhere, if He asked me to?

Badly enough to take up the cross in front of me?

Talk about a breakdown.